Why Is It So Difficult To Change?
Let me ask you something, if I may. Why aren’t you taking that first step to change what you want to change in your life? You know you want to be a better version of you, stronger, comfortable in your own skin, able to live a less-stressed and anxious-filled life… but there seems to be this nagging little voice inside your head saying things to you that make you doubt yourself and your abilities. There is a reason why you're not able to make a permanent change in your life.
The main reason changing our lives is hard is that we get in our own way.
Why do we do this, if we’re just making things harder? These are old patterns, built up over the years, that are coping mechanisms for dealing with difficulty.
The reasons we go to the patterns mentioned above:
- We have lots of uncertainty or discomfort about the task or project, so we look for a way out, and start to rationalize and look for something easier.
- We create high expectations (our goals, ideals, fantasies) and then fear not meeting those expectations (more uncertainty).
- We don’t believe in ourselves because we doubt whether we’re good enough to do it (uncertainty about ourselves).
- Being harsh on ourselves for procrastinating or messing up is a way to deal with the uncertainty that arises when we do these things.
Does this sound familiar? These reasons have to do with the story you continue to tell yourself and the voice inside your head. Is that nagging little voice saying things like, “I don’t know if you have the time to commit to yourself”, “Are you sure you want to do that, it sounds too hard?” Or, one of things I used to hear is, “Are you even worth the effort it is going to take? Shouldn’t you just be happy with where you are?” Oh man, that was a doozy, because there was a part of me that knew I wanted more for myself, but the voice inside my head was loud, and very convincing, but I knew there was a way to gain control and change my life.
I totally understand how difficult it is to do battle with that nagging voice. Most of us have lived a lifetime with this voice stopping us at every turn we (consciously) want to make, and know we will have a better life if we make it, but we just can’t seem to take that first step. By the way, this first step is the hardest to take, but once you take it… oooo weeee… it’s like the heavens open up and there is a bright inner light guiding you to the next step… and the next… and the next… it’s quite exhilarating!
That doesn’t mean there won’t be obstacles on your path, because there will be, and that nagging voice will show up again… good grief, every time there is a little hesitation, or things in life seem a bit cloudy… your inner voice will try it’s darnedest to deter you again. She will make you feel doubt and fear again. Sometimes I still hear it and boy is it loud!
See, here’s the thing I have learned over the past few yeas. When you start to make changes and move forward, things can get a little scary. You are venturing out of your comfort zone and it can be a bit rocky. This is when your inner voice yells a little louder and tries to push you back to your comfort zone… because, well, it’s comfortable. She really is trying to protect you and fears that you will face failure (which is totally okay), or get hurt in some way, if you keep this up.
Buuuut, here’s the thing. Once you are able to keep this inner voice quiet, and learn to speak with confidence and bravery, telling her that you have this under control, she will learn to take a backseat. You know what you are doing and you are going to take the risk, because it’s worth it, and you are worth it… so you have to let her know.
Yes, it takes repetition and reinforcement to get her to quiet down, but, over time, she learns to trust you and learns that you DO have things under control. And, even though there are obstacles, naysayers, dream crushers, and various detours on your path, you walk in faith, you walk in knowing that you are moving towards that change you want in your life. You are carving your path and you are doing it with confidence and a strength that is so empowering, you almost wonder if this person is really you. But girl, it IS you! I felt this same way, and over time, I started to take more risks, believe in myself more and more, and small successes have strengthened my resilience to the obstacles and detours. Now, I face my inner voice with courage, tell her like it is, and move on.
It’s not difficult in the sense of what you have to commit to in order to begin moving forward, but, I’m not going to sugar-coat anything, it’s hard freaking work. You have to let down your guard, forgive yourself because you don’t live in the past (if you do, you have to get out, NOW, and run like hell!), uncover the limiting beliefs (i.e. fears, doubts, worry…) and invest the time, resources, and finances to make shit happen. It’s not going to happen all by itself, and by you just hoping things will change. No... you have to do the work.
I’ve done so much work and have grown in leaps and bounds from where I used to be, and all the work, time, finances, tears… it’s all been worth it. Sooooo worth it.
The only step that has be taken is the first step… it might be a baby step, but it’s a step. It has to be a bold step though, and it has to involve ACTION. You have to commit and go all in on the step. It is only then that you are going to see that light and begin to quiet your inner voice… she is a nag isn’t she? I have to get firm with her now, and sometimes she listens the first time, but often it will take a few times. Stubborn!
So, here’s the deal, I work with women just like you, providing tools and guidance on how to go about creating the change. I inspire, empower, and help you clear your path so that you can soar! Remember, you have to commit and invest (if your serious about this), and… yep… do the work. I always say, “talk is cheap”, and if you are going to live the life you are dreaming of, live the life you deserve, ya gotta do the shit that will get you there. The messy, difficult, emotional, deep down shit.
Areeeeeee…. Youuuuuuu….. Readyyyyyy…..?